Help With Healing Your Marriage

Healing your marriage, to say the least, is troublesome. Emotions run high for both partners during the rebuilding process. This fact makes the need to be aware of what’s happening in your “Inner Circle” so very important. The “Inner Circle” is complied of the people, activities, and schedules both you and your spouse have in your lives.

Keeping this circle clean of destructive people, activities and schedules (yes, your schedule could be hurting the marriage) will play a vital role in strengthening your relationship and moving you farther down the road in the healing process.

3 Steps to Help Heal Your Marriage

As we rebuilt our marriage, literally from the ground up, we became very in-tune to our surroundings. The people we were around, the places we went, the schedules we kept…were all under constant scrutiny. We looked at the world through different eyes, taking nothing for granted.

Although its been 12 plus years now and the pain of our struggle is long behind us, the lessons we learned stay with us to this day. The biggest lesson we learned, we still use on a near constant basis. We keep our “Inner Circle” clean using three simple steps. In the beginning we actually wrote down these three steps and continually thought of them daily. After a while, they became second nature to us. Let’s take a look at them now:

Step 1: Identify
You must be able to see the potential problems before they become unmanageable and begin working against the healing process. What do we mean by that? Simply put, both spouses need to examine the people they are in contact with, the activities you are involved in and your daily schedules with a critical eye.

Asking these questions: “Does this person build me up or break me down?” “Does this activity I’m involved in promote peace or stress into the marriage?” “Does my daily schedule help or hurt the relationship?” Here are a few examples:

–The gossipy friend. You know the one who hangs around the house too much. Seems to be there all the time, day or night. Likes to share details about everything and everyone. “Does this person build you up or break you down?”

–Softball league every Tuesday night. Some games last until late at night and there is always the post-game beers in the parking lot. “Does this activity I’m involved in promote peace or stress into the marriage?”

–I am up at five in the morning. I get the kids up at six. Out the door at 6:45, work until 5. Home at 6. Find time 

to eat some fast food. Then off to soccer practice until 7. Then off to pick up my child from play practice at 8. Then I begin studying for my masters class sometime around 9.

You get the point… “Does my daily schedule help or hurt the relationship?”

Once you have identified some potential danger’s inside your “Inner Circle” you now have to decide whether or not they are a real threat to the healing process.

Step 2: Examine
This is the time you and your spouse get together and discuss the potential problems identified in step 1.

This is not the time be in a rush, take your time and closely look at each potential problem. Communication is king during this step and teamwork is a must. This is where you both will decide if, in fact, the potential problems identified in step 1 are to be elevated to real problem status.

Slow down and really way out the pro’s and con’s of each potential problem and make sure you keep the main theme in mind. “Does this person, activity or routine help or hinder the marriage?” Remember, you are a team and if one party thinks it’s a real problem then that probably means it is. Once you have completed a full assessment and have indeed found that some potentials should be elevated to real problem status it’s time to move to the next step.

Step 3: Eliminate
Here is where the problems cease to exist inside your “Inner Circle.” You accomplish this simply by removing the problem from your life. Yes, I really mean it’s that simple. If a person inside your circle isn’t building you up, then you let them go. You stop talking to them. You politely tell them to leave you alone. Do whatever works for you, just make sure that you keep them out of your life or at least greatly distance yourself from them.

If an activity your involved with is driving a wedge into the marriage, then you let it go. You stop participating. If your hectic schedules are in constant conflict, then you take things out of them completely or skip some things. The important part of this step is not how you eliminate the problems but that you do eliminate the problems.

It is our belief that keeping a clean “Inner Circle” is paramount for helping with the healing process and is an important for the general health of the marriage. It brings calm to the relationship and promotes peace. It broadens the communication lines between spouses and promotes teamwork. Keeping our circle clean has worked wonders for our marriage. It has allowed us to remove distractions and focus on what’s important…

God, family and our marriage.

Did This Help You? If so, We would greatly appreciate it if you commented below and shared!

PS: Is your marriage in crisis?  It’s not to late, download the FREE report “The 5 Immediate Steps You Need To Start Rebuilding Your Marriage Today”