Rebuilding a Marriage
Listen… No one is coming down on you for making this (all too common) mistake people make while rebuilding a marriage. In fact, we made this very same mistake for quite a long time before we realized the error of our ways.
It’s just hard wired into our human nature to make this mistake. So don’t beat yourself up over it. However, if you continue making this mistake after reading this post… that’s on you. You have been warned.
If only we could go back and prevent those countless hours of banging our heads against the proverbial brick wall of frustration. We could have saved shaved so much time off the “rebuilding a marriage” process. UGH! The pain of hind sight… ouch!
But…
That’s why we are here today. We are going to share with you this tip that will save you a lot of headaches in your rebuilding efforts. So learn from our mistakes and keep your heads up. We have literally never met a single couple trying to rebuild their marriage that didn’t make this mistake.
So don’t sweat it, you are not alone.
The #1 Mistake
We think that we can change the other person. This is the big mistake, that only leads to frustration and loss of time.
Check out this quote from the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas:
“Yes, we need a changed partner, but the partner that needs to change is not our spouse, it’s us! I don’t know why this works. I don’t know how you can be unsatisfied maritally, and then offer yourself to God to bring about change in your life and suddenly find yourself more than satisfied with the same spouse I don’t know why this works, only that it does work…”
I remember when this truth bomb hit me (Jeff) square in the jaw so many years ago. I didn’t like it… In fact, I hated it! I mean come on… she was the one who had the problems, not me.
I’m the victim here!
But not liking something does not make it less true, and the quicker we can come to grips with this stark reality, the quicker we can get to the real business of rebuilding a marriage on solid foundations.
Quick clarification: We are in no way telling you that you have to tolerate bad behavior in your marriage. We are not saying stand aside and let your spouse walk all over you or continue with their affair… NO! We are merely saying that you cannot control their actions, thoughts or their efforts to the rebuilding process. So save yourself the heartache and don’t even try.
Allow yourself the freedom to concentrate on the only thing you have control over, which is you.
Real lasting change in your marriage begins with you.
–
Check out this video for more:
Free FOCUS Class registration: CLICK HERE
Did This Help You? If so, We would greatly appreciate it if you commented below and shared!
PS: Is your marriage in crisis? It’s not to late, download the FREE report “The 5 Immediate Steps You Need To Start Rebuilding Your Marriage Today”
Why is it so wrong of me to expect my spouse to change? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m all on board for doing things unconventional and all I.e. changing myself first but there has always been lack of respect for my heart and feelings and for me in general as a husband. We both had affairs and we are trying to work this out. We BOTH need to change problem is I don’t think she even wants too. Too much work for her and she takes the easy road out.
James,
It is not necessarily wrong for you to “want” your spouse to change. “Expecting” someone else to change is something entirely different. It is out of your control and there is no way to force change on another. That being said, the only recourse left is to become the change you hope to see in your spouse. Expecting others to change will set you up for disappointment, increase the tension in an already damaged relationship, and ultimately prolong the recovery time.