Will We Ever Be the Same Again?

To be sure, it’s a huge question that gets asked a lot by couples trying to rebuild their marriages. The simple response is no, you won’t be the same again. Let’s be honest, do you really want to go back to being the same? If you went back to “being the same” that would mean that you would end up at the same place you are now.  Unquestionably a bad place to be. To get to the bottom of this we really have to understand what it is we are really asking.

Will we ever be the same again?

When tragedy strikes in a marriage, often the first response couples have is a strong desire for everything to return to normal. The couple hopes for everything to be like before (insert marriage trouble here) happened in the first place. This is a very unrealistic goal. Its like saying that your going to win the lottery tomorrow and you haven’t even bought a ticket.

We fell into this trap ourselves and paid the price in weeks of setbacks.  What we were really wanting was for the pain we were both in to go away. Instead of jumping right to the end game we should have paused and put things in their proper place by asking ourselves more realistic questions.

Here are some examples:

How can we trust each other again? 
What can we do to make it through today?
What do we think it should look like when we have recovered?
How will we learn to live with the history of our trouble?
Where should we begin?
What can we do differently to better ourselves?
How do we keep this from happening again?

The above list is certainly not complete by far, but it should give you some idea of what you’re up against.  Yet after all the questions have had their time and after all the smoke has cleared you will realize that the rebuilding process has changed you both. I hope for the better as it has in our case.

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The recovery process we went through shaped and molded us into the couple we are today. Fierce, strong and vigilant to each others needs. We work as a team now for the betterment of the family as a whole. “Will it ever be the same again?” I hope not, because we are so much better than I could have possibly imagined. But before you can get there you have to put that question on ice. Get a solid road map to follow and keep things in perspective. Damage has been done that needs to be repaired and the only way that will be done is one step at a time.

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